When to start wedding planning?

Everyone says to enjoy your engagement before plunging into planning. But depending on the type of person you are wedding planning can be like quick sand. I told myself that I would give myself at least a month to really enjoy being engaged before starting in on the planning.

But then these top three things kept reoccurring

1. "Congratulations! So... have you thought about when the wedding will be?"
Problem: Literally, these conversations started less than an hour after I was engaged. And I get it. People find out your engaged, they are excited and they want to keep the conversation call rolling. But when you constantly get asked, its easy to start doing research on which dates would be good possible wedding dates and then all of a sudden you are looking at banquet halls and vendors and BOOM. Suddenly you went from newly engaged to borderline bridezilla.
How to fix/avoid this:  Change the topic back to the engagement. I am blessed enough to have one of the most incredible proposal stories, so it was easy for me to say "Well we aren't sure yet, but did I tell you how long he has been hiding my ring?!" Bring up little details so that way the person you're conversing with still feels as if they kept the ball rolling and you get to buy yourself more time.

2. I'll just peak at pinterest/theknot/weddingbee...just for general ideas
Problem: Maybe you just started a private wedding board on pinterest because you like wedding things, or a "dream" wedding board because well ONE day you planned to be married. Or maybe you just became engaged and you want to see what the big deal with theknot is and you create your account. Fast forward a few hours and now you have hundreds of ideas and at the moment they all seem possible so it only makes sense to discuss most of them with your beau. And then the real problem becomes either the people who follow you on social media seeing these pins and ideas and telling others what you're planning. Example: I made a fourth of july wedding board simply because it seemed like a fun idea. I get a call a week later from my great auntie asking me why I didn't tell her I picked a wedding date because its "all over the internet" and people are already planning their summer around it.
How to fix/avoid this: If you simply cannot resist the wedding websites early on in the engagement, make them private. It sounds selfish at first, but as you progress in your wedding planning you learn the less people know about your wedding plans, the easier it makes your life. I was shocked when my little 80+ year old auntie brought up my pinterest board because I never thought my relatives paid that close of attention to what I posted. I will admit that I have made a few blunders with telling too much to people early on in my planning. Early on in our brainstorming we were looking at traditional church weddings, but as my fiance and I started to lay things out, we decided to go in another direction and that change really threw some people off and actually upset them. A wedding represents one of the most intimate moments you'll have with the person you love, so why not take things slow and close to the chest.

3. I've had this planned out my entire life, if I just hurry up and get it all done I can enjoy being engaged after. 
Problem: You have been talking about your wedding since before you can remember. And you may have even had a lot "planned" out before you even met your better half, an insert groom here wedding plan. Maybe you are even like me and had a wedding spread sheet with real numbers, names and outlines done before you were even engaged. But you learn pretty quickly, that a wedding really shouldn't be planned in less than a month (unless absolutely necessary). The planning is really part of the fun and rushing just leads to quick decisions you may not be able to change later.
How to fix/avoid this: I wish someone told me to start over with a blank slate. I went into planning with my spreadsheets, pinterest dream boards and high expectations and blindsided my fiance who still was on a high from pulling off our epic engagement. He lovingly told me his was overwhelmed and then it hit me. It's his wedding too. We started planning with laying out a budget and making a top 3 list of what mattered to the both of us. Even though I may not be doing everything I laid out when I was 18, I believe by taking our time with the planning has made this all more fun. The current problem we are facing is the wedding checklists, because we are both the kind of people who look at those as a challenge. There are days when we have to talk about it being unrealistic for me to make and store all of my centerpieces now since we will be moving before the wedding.


I recommend taking at least a month to just enjoy yourselves as a newly engaged couple. The wedding timeline can wait! As I said early on planning is like quick sand, you may not even realize how deep you're getting into planning until someone calls you out on it. And when you start planning, start with the budget and be realistic with it. This way when you sit and make your priority list you can really focus on needs vs wants.

Start it right and have fun with it!
--the southside bride